Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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