two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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