I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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