Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
