you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the day after is always just damage control
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
