Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
