Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
