I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
