Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
