I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
