Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
