i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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