____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
