Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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