I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I touched a dick in church today
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
