seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
