We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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