I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
