I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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