Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
