its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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