Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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