Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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