Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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