i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
