I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
