you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
