I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
