we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
