He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
