Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
