C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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