The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
