I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
