my vag is so smooth its legendary
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She bit a glass in half.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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