I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
