Plan B is the new Plan A
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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