I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
