At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
