I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
