i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
