I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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