i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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