i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
