were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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