Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
