please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
