do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i out mim tonsoeep
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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