I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
