oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
