Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
